Good News and Bad News

"Enjoy yourself ,  Its later than you think"

"Enjoy Yourself" a popular song published in 1949,  music by Carl Sigman ,lyrics by Herb Magidson.


I find myself on the other side of my brain operation undead, and as always undecided.   In the months before the operation i was rushing to try to integrate my life of two genders.  All of my significant others were told of Belinda. I started seeing a therapist.  I checked in to the Mazzoni Center, a local LGBT clinic who I know would give me legal hormones.  This was all done in an atmosphere of some foreboding.
  (See my pre-convulsion blog entries from a few months back.}  http://harmonybelle.blogspot.com/2014/05/transitions.html

Well now all is revealed.  I had a meningioma and was symptomatic for some months before it revealed itself with a convulsion, a trip to the emergency room, and a CT scan there.  I remember being relieved when the ER doctor explained to me that I had a brain tumor.  "Oh so I am not crazy, I am simply damaged."   That was Father's day in june, and basically I was more or less convinced that it would be the end or at least some major disability that would follow this diagnosis and the subsequent operation.  Well it wasn't.  I feel in fact better than I have all year.  The operation was a great success.

There was one kick in the head however that I have only gradually become aware of.    There is a potential link between hormone use in transgender folks, and meningiomas.


http://openmindedhealth.com/2013/06/article-review-recurrence-and-progression-of-meningioma-in-male-to-female-transgender-individuals-during-exogenous-hormone-us


These links are even better established for cis-gender women who use hormone replacement therapy

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23702884


As I have proclaimed a number of times on the blog,

http://harmonybelle.blogspot.com/2009/12/full-moons-pheromones-and-i-phones.html

http://harmonybelle.blogspot.com/2012/04/breasts-bras-and-boys.html

I have been using Climara patches for a number of years, about 7, without benefit of medical supervision.

Based on what I now know, I have stopped, and that makes me very sad.  As a part time girl, hormones were very very important to my identity as a t-girl.  Without them I find myself somewhat at a loss.  I started noticing effects right away, including increased horniness, beard, and possibly the beginnings of hair loss.  Boo Hoo.

So a big big question for me is.   Should I start taking them again.  Or is that a foolish risk?

And if I continue not to take them, what does it all mean for Belinda.  The whole ordeal has been a lot tougher on Belinda than Bill.  Bill has the family, and the family was so good to me and generous with their time during my illness, that I was overwhelmed.   Belinda doesn't really have that consolation.  I only really communicated with my friend Ellen throughout the illness, and she was as always good to me, but most of my casual friends I basically left in the dark, and one particularly close acquaintance, the woman I was providing service to in a M/S relationship.  I abruptly cut it off with when she ascribed some complaints I had regarding her insufferably arrogant behavior as the actions of the brain tumor.
If she is right I can only say;

  "Thanks brain tumor! "

One thing the illness taught me is that I should be more prudent in my choices of who I socialize with.  but I still have to find a way to integrate the lives of Bill and Belinda more fully.