"I'm not dumb but I can't understand why she walked like a woman, but talked like a man"
Ray Davies
In the last post, I spoke about my wish to walk the walk. And so in my flats, long skirted, modestly made up, pretty blouse, girly scarf, I have indeed twice recently walked the walk in the Malls. And there I have found that I can roam the stores without incident. (Or almost. A young couple saw me walking by the booth that they were selling something or other from, and asked me to pose with them for pictures. Does this mean I am eligible for my own reality show?) But generally, I can browse comfortably, and with family friendly restrooms, one of the great impediments to my peripatetic adventures is mitigated, (See Ordinary Life) And so I can have a most pleasant outing en-femme, all by myself whenever I wish.
But these adventures, have highlighted some issues that I otherwise, have avoided. The old Belinda (the one from last month!) generally never really confronted the issue of passing or getting read with any seriousness. My social circle, of course know me. I don't sit with my legs spread and my panties showing, so I don't get corrected very often, And a number of good friends, don't even consider trying to pass, even though they crossdress, so they are usually without criticism or advice.
I however am different, or at least I think so. I would pass if I could, so I am confronted with my number one give away, my voice. In the mall, this translates into a reticence about talking. Cruel irony, because as a male no one wants to talk to me, but as a femulator, I am more approachable, and anyway, store clerks talk to you, and i feel self-conscious talking back. Bummer as we used to say in the bad old days. To a lesser extent my walk and gestures could certainly be improved, but I have worked on them.
"How do you feel?
I feel real phoney when my name is Phil
or was that Bill."
The Red Telephone, Arthur Lee, Love.
Or in my case perhaps Belinda. So the issue in a nutshell is "How can you occupy one skin with two genders, and remain sane... (or perhaps a more modest goal... remain uninstitutionalized). I have been reading a little of the writings from TNG... Trekkies note, I am not talking about Data, but rather youth.
My impression is that they approach the whole thing differently, but I will leave that for my next post.
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