SCARY MONSTERS

"O wad some Power the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us"

Or maybe not Mr Burns

So to see others as we see ourselves, or more specifically to assume others see us as we see ourselves, then this is the anti-giftie. In my own case, I have suffered from no small measure of it. It allowed me to live a sort of double life, over the decades. And double lives can be double trouble. So who is the Scary Monster?.... BOO!
But more specifically thinking about my experience with scary monsters, has caused me to understand that indeed I have been one.

I had the most unfortunate experience of having a friend, a male friend, a best friend, closer than close over a 30+ year span. We were pod peas thinking each other's thoughts it seemed, bound by common intellectual interests, common sense's of humor, and finally scads of common experiences. And within a span of a few years we fell unalterably out of each others affections; From BFF to FU.

The scary monster who lurked in the secret rooms of my friend's mansion was angry resentment. There turned out to be nothing slight about slights. In those dim rooms was an angry avenger with a shiny code of honor. Daylight however when it finally came revealed a petty minded coward with an acid tongue.

So who was i who hid so long from the world?

It is an interesting question what constitutes prudent discretion in intimate relationships and what constitutes secretive betrayal. And blame and punishment is to be apportioned, then a question that still has currency.



There wasn't much of a monster. Belinda is universally thought to be cute and cuddly! Today the youths seem untroubled by the gender-fucked. They hang it all out on Facebook. " Companionable Monster seeks same", and it is all happily ever after.
I grew up in different times. Depraved because I was deprived. There was Hot Hell for deviants, and Kraft Ebbing if you wanted to "understand" just how fucked you were. Like Jessica Hahn I offer no excuses, only explanations. And of course to the injured party who will probably never read this, I was smitten, and could find no place that was without shadows.
Mea Culpa3