Good Vibrations

" If you are feeling sad and lonely, there's a service I can render"

A continuing interest of mine has been to experience sexual feelings and orgasm in a female way. I wrote a few blog entries sometime back on the subject.

Imaginary Vagina

Imaginary Vagina II

The Girl Inside

and since then with a little help from a new friend, I have made some good progress. My friend is none other than the Lelo , a space age vibrator, and I would like to discuss our experiences together in my next post. Those experiences caused me to try to learn a little about the history and uses of the vibrator, and what i found out fascinated me.

In medicine for hundreds of years, peaking in the 19th century, there has been a nervous condition diagnosed in women. It was called hysteria named after the greek word for hystera for womb. There were a lot of vague symptoms and it was linked to sexual problems. Most interestingly the physicians of the 19th century, boldly going where none had gone before, determined that massage and manipulation of the vagina even to orgasm was shall we say.. "just what the doctor ordered". It was in the context of this treatment regimen that the vibrator was invented. All that manual labor was wearing physicians out, and hysteria became more and more common. So the solution was the vibrator.. and nothing has been the same since!

Vibrators are very common in the night tables and under the pillows of the fair sex. So I have come to understand that they are essential tools in the quest for the female orgasm. I have learned a technique which includes Kegel movements, and proper placement of miss lelo, that I believe allows someone like myself to experience sexual feelings in much the same way as a genuine genetic girl can. These priceless techniques i shall reveal in my next posting. It may be a week or more though. I am so worked up that I need a vacation. Key West here i come.

Will I be packing my vibrator?

Now what do you think?

Purgatory

There is a phenomenon well known to those of us who have been involved in the tranny lifestyle. At some point, a crossdresser either comes to their senses, or completely loses them, and decides to jettison all of their girly stuff. This phenomenon can be understood from the dynamic of transgender development. A typical m-f transgender person, is wandering around in the body of a boy. They grow up with their parents and the wider culture treating them as a boy, expecting them to be a boy, finally expecting them to be a man. Willfully or helplessly they keep secrets of a different order. God/Mom/Dad/Siblings/Pals/Employers/Girlfriends/Wifes/.... expect you to play the part. Only the dog appears to be indifferent. So every once in a while, when the moon is full, the shadow life can appear as... well .... a curse .. to see ourselves as others see us. Horrified, we run screaming into the night.

I myself, know this phenomenon more at second hand, having heard it described a number of times. My own experience was different. When I was young, i would jerk off while wearing a few things from my sorry collection, and immediately remove them, like it was all slightly distasteful. But I lost that tendency a long time ago, and I just never was a full blown purger. I have panties that could probably go in the Smithsonian. Don't make that face! They are clean and put away. I also have a Liberty Bell replica that i got in 1958 in Philadelphia.

So imagine my surprise when a friend and a the person I most played with in recent times, decided to purge, and in effect purged me!

A quick email to that effect, and that was that. Its rude. I have had plenty of people break up with me. I have had marriages end, so I have experienced the break up, but the email breakup... well that is rude! At least I got an email, the poor panties probably just got thrown out.

T-girls and their narcissism. Now that's something I could write about, if there weren't so many things I need to write about myself. An update on the quest for the female orgasm to come in the next few days.

SCARY MONSTERS

"O wad some Power the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us"

Or maybe not Mr Burns

So to see others as we see ourselves, or more specifically to assume others see us as we see ourselves, then this is the anti-giftie. In my own case, I have suffered from no small measure of it. It allowed me to live a sort of double life, over the decades. And double lives can be double trouble. So who is the Scary Monster?.... BOO!
But more specifically thinking about my experience with scary monsters, has caused me to understand that indeed I have been one.

I had the most unfortunate experience of having a friend, a male friend, a best friend, closer than close over a 30+ year span. We were pod peas thinking each other's thoughts it seemed, bound by common intellectual interests, common sense's of humor, and finally scads of common experiences. And within a span of a few years we fell unalterably out of each others affections; From BFF to FU.

The scary monster who lurked in the secret rooms of my friend's mansion was angry resentment. There turned out to be nothing slight about slights. In those dim rooms was an angry avenger with a shiny code of honor. Daylight however when it finally came revealed a petty minded coward with an acid tongue.

So who was i who hid so long from the world?

It is an interesting question what constitutes prudent discretion in intimate relationships and what constitutes secretive betrayal. And blame and punishment is to be apportioned, then a question that still has currency.



There wasn't much of a monster. Belinda is universally thought to be cute and cuddly! Today the youths seem untroubled by the gender-fucked. They hang it all out on Facebook. " Companionable Monster seeks same", and it is all happily ever after.
I grew up in different times. Depraved because I was deprived. There was Hot Hell for deviants, and Kraft Ebbing if you wanted to "understand" just how fucked you were. Like Jessica Hahn I offer no excuses, only explanations. And of course to the injured party who will probably never read this, I was smitten, and could find no place that was without shadows.
Mea Culpa3