The full moon occurs on new years eve, and I realized it was coming this morning when i woke up with such powerful femme feelings, a need to touch my swelling breasts, and imagine myself all woman. I love the idea of having a secret cycle which peaks at the full moon, and that it has a reality of its own now, though at one time I consciously cultivated the concept. Woman may not agree, but i feel it is so wonderful to have a cycle, and so I seem to have developed one though it is not so much about fertility, as my feminine sexuality, and also my meditative consciousness. My peak meditation experiences occur around the time of the full moon as well, and of course that makes sense because i chant the pancadaza, the 15 verses, which are the name of Tripura Sundari who is embodied in and rules over the full moon, which contains the 15 Nityas, + Tripura Sundari, on the sixteenth day of the waxing moon, the sixteenth day, the day of the full moon.
see http://www.astrojyoti.com/lunarphasesandthenityadevis.htm for a concise description.
And then there are hormones. Of course, i am a male who takes estrogen, so I don't experience the holy cycle of hormonal changes, rather I just am on hormones, day after day. And I of course love my hormones, and what they do to me, part of my secret self, which is both in the world and out of it. I imagine, and sometimes it seems to me that all that estrogen..well you can smell it can't you? I mean that old gentleman sitting there at the bar, or the coffee shop. Isn't there something about him? something incongruous, and yet.. something... appealing. I have always loved the smell of women, and imagine it works below consciousness, the kingdom of the olfactory. I find ..well it is a little embarassing, but I know a few people, men if you must know, who seem to respond to me, in a way that is almost inappropriate, and I don't think they are particularly gay, nor is the interaction in any way overt, but well maybe it is just me, who can say.
Well ok let me ask my I-Phone Or rather my magic eight ball app. SIGNS POINT TO YES Well part of my journey has been one into fancy, and i the analytic one, the rational one. I don't mind the eight ball's dismissal. After all, the ringtone says "I am he, as you are me." but that can't be! I am she! WITHOUT A DOUBT. That's better. The I-Phone is my Xmas present from my daughters, and well i was never an acolyte at the altar of Apple but.. I love the I-Phone! Who knew? it isn't really a phone that is the secret. It knows where you are, and where the closest pizza is at all times? The Bhagavad Gita and Rg Veda, in Sanskrit no less are there for reference whenever I am in a contemplative mood, and soon it will be telling me what birds surround me, wherever i am, and playing their sweet songs for me. All that and I have only had it a week. Should i download Dress Up and Makeup? or Girl Wars That is listed for Girls only. At any rate the possibilites are endless, of course with a phone full of fab girly apps I will probably need to explore phone security. If it falls into the wrong hands? gasp! i would be mortified.
If only the I-Phone could smell. I think we could have quite a relationship.
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