sissy maid contest

Today I attended a sissy maid competion. No I didn't compete. I don't really think of myself as a sissy maid though wouldn't mind playing one for a day..ok maybe a week.. or.. well the second month is out I was a little blue this weekend so I wasn't enthusiastic, but i went and I had a great time. It is hard to stand out at one of these events, and some girls are stunning, but I went out and got some very orange nailpolish yesterday, did my toes, and then carefully polished some french manicure press on's. There was a bit of orange in my dress, and everyone noticed my look and i got some compliments. I can't help myself. I was so happy. I also met "two blonde dommes" who asked me if i was a sissy maid. I couldn't help myself, I lied and said I was. One just looked so great done up in Her own rags and feathers... very very hippy. That and I met an old sissy girlfriend, i haven't seen in quite a while so I had a lovely time.
Although my friend is rather depressed and a little depressing. He basically says that he is only attracted to younger girls say < 40 who he doesn't believe would ever honestly be interested in him, and that's before they find out that he has a powerful attraction to their vanity fair panties especially the "ravissant" pair in robins egg blue. (OK maybe that is me more than him) At any rate the competition was very fun and I had such a good time, and the best sissy won! No favoritism swayed the judges. Tomorrow is work. I wish I could say the same about that.

Desolation Angels

Does anyone remember that fine book? Kerouac believed in automatic writing. Unfiltered and unedited communication of the unconscious. This is sort of like that. And like an author penning the most intimate thoughts, who knows if anyone will ever read them.
At any rate, how can you wake up in the morning so evolved. I mean completely meditating, empty mind, in your girls body, and feeling everything the kiss breathing out just a few fingers past the intersection of the brows, you know that place, and your nipples sometimes tingle and sometimes there is a feeling as prana ascends up through your vagina... That is re-imagining yourself, and i even not this morning but not too long ago imagined that i had a penis and i could feel it sticking up and out so boyish.. over the rainbow.
and then in an afternoon and getting ready for a party and painting your toenails pumpkin color and playing with your hair and the party is just the most in the life people, the sissy maid competition and it is such fun, only you aren't competing and you wonder why and you don't know if it is fear or maybe you just really aren't maid that way, except so many nights eyes closed imagining a always the Aunties, and strict Ladies, and the boy under discipline and the maid dress... put it on now! nara paracini!
Too old too timid or too sensible. who knows. I just hope the party is fun. After all my first sissy boy-girlfriend will be there.

At your service

So I guess the way this works is you just start writing and 20 years later you have 800,000 words and your words live forever in the information even if you by that point are perhaps moldering. So I write because I need to understand myself. My name is Belinda but that isn't the name I am mostly known by since I am transgendered late in life, and usually male but this blog belongs to Belinda.

I have come to know a lot of trannies and sissies and t-girls and i have known quite a few women, married them, fathered them and oh right envied them, or did I?
Some of us want to be girls or why the big closets full of frou frou. Some of us want to be the servants of Women, or why the elaborate fantasies with curtsies, and yes Mistress and Mistress may I. Some of us never seem to have a clue.

Let's start with a simple concept: The gendered soul. Catholics and Mormons have gendered souls I believe. Jesus is a boy and you will be a boy forever and ever and ever. Damn! And the gendered soul is one of the ways of understanding the gurls. After all, if your soul is female but you end up in a male body, well that certainly explains a lot doesn't it? or does it. And why that error on the transsubstantial plane is so much more common than male souls trapped ..trapped I say in female bodies. Well who knows.

I guess I don't believe it. Me I am a hindu. well..i am not sure that if you are raised a catholic in the united states from european ancestors you could ever really be a hindu. But I chant the name of devi most mornings, and try to see Her, and feel Her and stay mostly chaste for Her and of course that is a wonderful kind of a religion for a tranny and a sissy. But of course like Belinda, Devi is a manifestation, a piece of the lila if a rather substantial piece, and the soul the Hindu Atman, the Buddhist soul.(or not) is genderless, gender free.

And wouldn't we all want to be that... or would we?