Ananda in this Floating World

Here I go and I don't know why, I spin so ceaselessly, 'til I lose my sense of gravity...  
Patti Smith,  Dancing Barefoot


Sometimes I'm dancing on air, but i get scared. 
 Jagger / Richards,  Can Your Hear the Music


Ananda.    This is a word worth exploring.   Sat/cit/ananda.  existence/consciousness/bliss.  This is described as the subjective experience of the supreme soul,  the Atman, God, which can be achieved by seers in a meditative state.   But ananda is also one objects of the the karmendriyas, the fundamental organs of action according to the Samkhya philosophy that is the basis of yoga.   The karmendriyas are 5.   mouth , hands, legs, anus, and sex organs.  And ananda is what you do with the sex organs.   what Alex  in Clockwork Orange  called  "the old in and out".    So the same word is used for orgasm and the subjective experience of the divine.  
It wasn't long ago,  I wrote about a sexual religious experience so these things matters have been on my mind this summer.   
The week coming promises to be a workshop on Ananda in all its manifestations.   This weekend I am going to a BDSM weekend long event with a dear friend.  Then I am going directly to an ashram for a week of meditation and as it happens a week of studying the Samkhya philosophy.  
The weekend event will include a tea, for which I will have some lovely accessories my Lady friend put together.  So it will be not Tea and Sympathy, but Tea and eat your hearts out you drab sissies!  I am however on the hot seat as my Lady friend requested that I provide a surprise to spice the event up.  Surprises are not something I do well, so I m still mulling over the possibilities.   I have been practicing a little High Protocol service which I will give her as an option.  There is also an age play pageant.   I know she enjoys age play, so I may enter.  At any rate, I think the weekend will offer an opportunity for a fun blog post.  ( I can perhaps surprise her with that)  after I return from the ashram, unless of course i enter the satcitananda of  the uncreated Brahman, in which case the rest of you are on your own.  

Stimulus and Response

Oh it ain't no good unless it hurts just a bit
John Cougar Mellancamp


It wasn't so very long ago that I referred to the people in the BDSM world as as the leather people.  I understood them to be kin in the big kinky family, but I thought of myself as separate.  My interests were in role playing, dominance and submission certainly, but I had no particular interest in the dynamic of pain.  At an event I had heard someone say that play was synonymous with pain, and thought that odd.   That was a couple of years ago, and my own relationship with BDSM has evolved.  More particularly, i have played with others and found that there can be much sensuality in giving and receiving pain in an intimate setting.  A Mistress favored me recently with a play date, involving a cane, and well .. there is no way around it.. canes hurt.  But the sensual way that She caned me, the attention to my body, to my reactions.  Well it was very erotic.  When I remarked following the session that the cane was rather painful when delivered to the back of the legs, she remarked that the ritual we were engaged in was called S&M for a reason.  Well said,  Mistress.
These experiences of pleasure at the end of pain parallel my experiences with avoiding orgasm, or more specifically avoiding ejaculation.  I seldom masturbate to ejaculation, and when i do, it is generally because i let something go too far if you know what i mean.  So being unpartnered at the moment, it is actually quite some time since ...  I fairly frequently engage in activity with vibrators, and other feminine fun, but with discipline that does not end in messiness.   I connect that discipline the pain of denial increasingly with a general increase in my sexual awareness.  I feel more often like a girl sexually... even having girly orgiastic spasms on the beach, as I described in the last post.   I have been trying to eat right and exercise lately, using a device in the basement to sprint until I am exhausted, which is taking longer than the initial 35 seconds thankfully.  Of course running is painful... I deal with it best by attending to something else, but today i noticed that running ...well it just made me feel all sexy... sexed up...  aroused.  Oh my!  Is it the pain that is arousing?   Is it the general arousal associated with my chastity?    At any rate I no longer find myself apart among the leather people.  I am the leather people.
I am off to the ashram for religious renewal for a week or so.    I almost forgot to mention for the record, I went to the hair salon and had my hair bleached.  It took 3 hours!  talk about feeling girly!  I had so much foil in my hair that I was picking up signals from Rigel.  This was the final step in my plan for moderate feminzation.   But more on that upon my return.