Is that you baby? or just a brilliant disguise?" Brilliant Disguise Bruce Springsteen
I got Maam-ed today on my way into the supermarket while in guy mode. For me, guy mode is jeans, sneakers, etc. Nothing remarkable about it. This happens periodically in the last few years, and is mostly I think due to jewelry, longish dyed hair, etc. the subtle and unreliable cues. I of course am always delighted by it, even as the speaker (particularly if I speak to them), becomes apologetic, if they perceive that they have made a terrible mistake in the bi-gendered world we live in.
I have made a study of this, and can reliably suggest a point system by which these occasions can be scored.
If the individual who Maam's you is an elderly man, (like today), then you only get 2 points.
If the individual is a middle aged man or a middle aged or older woman, You get 3 points.
If the individual is a young man, you get 4 points
If the individual who Ma'am/s you is a young woman, you get 5 points.
If you are Ma'am-ed, while with a woman or group of women, then you must deduct 1 point.
If you are Ma'am-ed, while only a partial view of your whole form is available, for example if you are addressed from outside of a car. then you must deduct 1 point.
For example a couple of weeks ago I was sitting at a bar with my daughter and her mother. A woman who had been a little boisterous and who we didn't know, greeted us upon leaving by saying "Goodnight Ladies" That is 2 points.
Another example. It was some time ago, that a young woman called me a "cunt" when she pulled up beside me, having perceived me to have made some terrible error in driving. (You need to understand that I live in New Jersey, and so behavior like this is part of the social graces.) This is 4 points. I thought to give additional points for derisive comments, but this would give New Jersey residents an unfair advantage in scoring. Anyway, if the person calling me this had been a man with a british accent, then no points would be awarded. The form of address must clearly be one that is unambiguously gendered.
An obvious rule is that you must consider yourself to be in guy mode, and not in guy-ish mode. I think those to whom this rule applies know what I mean.
The scoring system is based upon my own experience of how often I have been "miss-gendered" in the past few years. I think it represents fair scoring, but your experience may vary.
Get with your friends and begin to play. Let me know if you are scoring regularly, or have an unusual situation that you are unsure how to score.
Prizes? You wish. The game is its own reward.
And remember... Pink Lipstick disqualifies you from guy mode. Unless, it is from last night, and you just forgot about it.
